Are you struggling with a stammer (aka stutter)? Here are some ways to help yourself so that you can live well with stammering.
Stammering can have a massive impact on many areas of your life. You might feel alone, or that no one understands what it's like.
But it doesn't have to be like that.
Getting therapy, going on a course are some options. There are also other things you can do to help build confidence and feel more at ease about stammering.
Need support now?
We're here for you if you want to talk or do a live chat with someone who understands.
Everyone in our support team either stammers themselves or has a close connection to it, so they know what it's like.
Hit the button below to get in touch.
Practical things
Connect with others who stammer
Meeting others and realising you're not alone with a stammer can be one of the best things you can do. Being with people who 'get it' can be massive. You can share experiences and ideas, support each other, practise things and build confidence speaking in a safe space.
Check out our list of Stammering Groups & Communities and see if there's a group near you, an online community or workplace network you can join.
Nothing in your area? Why not start something up? It doesn't have to be difficult. Email communities@stamma.org and we can help you build it.
Become a STAMMA member for free and we'll update with new groups and events where you can meet others.
Look after yourself
Lots of people who stammer find that the struggle to speak can feel more intense if they're tired or stressed out, or when they've got a lot going on in their life.
These things don't cause stammering, and dealing with them won't cure it. It sounds corny, but lots of people who stammer say they find it helpful to get a good night's sleep, exercise and find ways to create a calm environment. For example, some people find mindful meditation helpful. Or getting out for a regular walk in the fresh air. Experiment and find out what helps you.
Telling people you stammer
Telling people that you stammer or mentioning it, aka 'self-advertising', can be really hard. Especially if you've spent your life trying not to stammer and being covert about it.
But you might find that bringing it up can take some of the pressure off you. If you know the other person is aware that you stammer, it might make you feel more relaxed knowing you don't have to hide it.
It could also put the other person at ease too. If they don't understand what's happening when you stammer, they might feel uncomfortable. Or, seeing that you're uncomfortable might make them feel uncomfortable in turn. Mentioning your stammer might help prevent this.
If it feels right, you could say something in passing like:
"By the way, I stammer, so you might hear it sometimes when I speak". Don't worry, though, just give me time".
... and then change the subject. Or, if it feels comfortable you could even say that you're happy to answer any questions they might have about it. But try not to apologise for stammering. It's not something you need to apologise for.
Next, notice how the other person reacts. Is it what you thought it would be?
Most people are receptive and might respond with a simple "That's okay". A minority might react in an unhelpful or unkind way. If this happens, try and focus on the fact that you've been confident and assertive enough to mention it. Their reaction is not your responsibility.
Free online workshop: Sharing info about your stammer
If you want to explore the topic of telling people, we're hosting a free online workshop 'Sharing information about your stammer' on Wednesday 2nd December at 12:30pm.
Join us as we delve into the decision of whether to tell people about our stammers, and hear from people who've had experience of doing it. Click the button below.
Some studies* have found that if you tell people you stammer, it can improve their perception of you. It can show people that you are owning your stammer. Also, that you're confident about telling people what you'd like them to do in response. Watch U.S. therapist Courtney Byrd talk about the benefits of telling people you stammer.
Voluntary stammering
'Voluntary stammering' is doing a 'fake' stammer when you're talking with someone. This might seem strange, especially if you usually try hard not to stammer. So why do it?
Lots of us try not to stammer because we're worried about peoples' reactions. A lot of the time, though, these worries are unfounded and people might not react at all if we stammer.
The idea of voluntary stammering is to 'fake' stammer on sounds you don't normally fear. For example, slipping in a little repetition when you feel in control of your speech. Then see what the response is. Does the other person react at all? If they don't, knowing this might make you feel more confident when you stammer for real.
As mentioned in the section above, most people are welcoming. A small minority might react in an unhelpful way. Try and focus on the positive responses.
Voluntary stammering can also help you become more comfortable with the moment of stammering. Getting used to and even playing with the sensation of being 'stuck' can, over time, help you feel calmer during real moments of stammering.
Try it out with us
If voluntary stammering in the outside world seems daunting, why not try it out with us?
Call our helpline and give it a go: hit the button below.
Or, you could try voluntary stammering in a safe space like a stammering group. See if there's a group near you.
Speech & language therapy and various courses could help you work on voluntary stammering too. See:
- One-to-one Adult Speech & Language Therapy,
- Adult Stammering Courses
- or Children/Teen Therapy & Courses.
Develop public speaking skills/confidence
Building experience of speaking in front of others could help you in social situations or at work. It can also be a way to increase general confidence.
- We've got some tips on our Presentations & Public Speaking page.
- You could try these out at a stammering support/self-help group, if there's one near you. You could go along and ask about doing impromptu speaking exercises or practising speeches.
- Public speaking clubs, or Toastmasters Clubs, are supportive places helping people work on public speaking skills. Members can only give each other positive feedback, so you won't have to worry about being judged for stammering. Search online for 'Toastmasters' or 'Speakers' Clubs'.
- There is a Toastmasters club in London especially for people who stammer.
- City Lit, an adult education centre in London, regularly runs short courses in public speaking for people who stammer.
Apps & devices
There's also a range of apps for stammering. See Stammering Apps & Devices to find out more.
Some aim to increase fluency and reduce your stammer. You can download these and use them with earphones in speaking situations, like a coffee shop. There's also a couple of fluency devices that do a similar thing but they're expensive. Other apps address specific aspects of the stammering experience.
reframing Stammering
Challenging the stigma
A growing movement in the stammering community is pushing back against the shame, stigma and demand for fluency that many people who stammer face.
More and more people are starting to see their stammer not as a flaw, or a weakness. But rather as a natural difference that should be respected and accommodated by society.
In his article for this site, academic Joshua St Pierre argues that:
"The 'problem of stammering' is not stammering itself, but a cookie-cutter world that has forgotten how to support the thriving of non-fluent speakers."
Positives
People who believe in 'Stammering Pride', celebrate the positives that stammering has given them. Many say it has made them more understanding and empathetic. That it's given them great listening skills and a wide vocabulary. Others have said stammering has given them inner strength, made them resilient and determined.
Some say that when they stammer they are speaking spontaneously and naturally.
See What is Stammering Pride? to find out more.
There are loads of successful people who stammer
It's easy to think that having a stammer will stop you from getting the job you want. But there are people who stammer working in all industries and at all levels.
Take a look at our Influential People Who Stammer page, which includes world-famous actors and pop stars, acclaimed novelists, top-tier magazine editors, even CEOs of multinational companies.
CONCLUSION
Coming to terms with stammering, accepting it and finding ways to live well with it doesn't happen overnight. Unravelling years of built-up feelings based on bad experiences can be really difficult. Speaking might be physically exhausting and frustrating, which might be stopping you from doing things.
Try these things out, and remember, you're not alone. We're here to support you and help you find the path that's best for you.
Talk things through with us
Get in touch and we'll take you through all the options open to you. Use our free helpline or start a webchat.
Remember, everyone working on our helpline either stammers, or has a close connection to it.
What next?
- Check out our Your Voice section. It's full of articles from people who stammer about what's helped them, succeeding at work and building relationships.
- Become A STAMMA Member for free and join the community. We'll keep you updated with our activities.
- Get involved with the STAMMA community. Find an event, fundraise, share your story, volunteer, take part in research and more.
- Got an issue at work or when job hunting? Contact the STAMMA Employment Service
- Been discriminated against or treated badly? Contact the STAMMA Advocacy Service.
Reference
*Healey et al, (2007), 'The effects of self-disclosure and non self-disclosure of stuttering on listeners' perceptions of a person who stutters', Journal of Fluency Disorders.
