In Conversation With Someone Who Stammers

A guide to the best things to do when speaking with someone who stammers.

It can be disconcerting at first when talking with someone who stammers. Particularly if you've never met anyone who stammers before. 

If the person is struggling or looks uncomfortable, this might make you feel uncomfortable in turn.

You're reading this because you want to know what you should do. Basically, people who stammer just want the time to say what they want to say. Without being interrupted, rushed or spoken over. Without being laughed at, given funny looks or patronised. 

All you need to do is listen and be patient. That's it. Just as you would when speaking with anyone. 

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Reacting when someone stammers

The way you react can be important.

• It can be tempting to try and help by finishing someone's sentences. Try not to do this. People who stammer often find it intrusive rather than helpful. It can make them feel disempowered and if you get it wrong it can be very frustrating.
• It can be tempting to suggest they 'slow down', 'relax' or 'stop and breathe'. This just shows that you're more focused on how they speak, than on what they're saying. Most people who stammer find such advice intrusive and embarrassing.
• Try not to look uncomfortable, even if you feel it. Stay neutral and keep natural eye contact. Any negative reaction can make the person who stammers feel uncomfortable. Show them their stammer isn't an issue for you and that you're engaged with what they're saying.
• If the person is really struggling and it feels appropriate, it's OK to offer a reassuring "Take as long as you need".
• The person may talk very fast to try and get through a sentence without stammering. If you miss something, it's OK to ask them to repeat it. 

Things to keep in mind

Don't read anything into how someone talks. Knowing that someone stammers doesn't mean you know anything else about them.

Don't assume someone who stammers is nervous, drunk or that there's something wrong with them. It's just how they talk. 

It's normal for stammering to fluctuate. Stammering can vary from day to day, from situation to situation, and from person to person. Some people stammer a lot, others very little.

People can stammer more in certain situations or on some days, or even on certain words or sentences. So don't be surprised if someone stammers on one day but not another. That's normal for stammering.

People who stammer often find words which can't be swapped hard to say. For example, their name and other personal details. Resist the urge to joke that they've forgotten their name. 

If someone says that they stammer but doesn't stammer much, don't assume they're lying. They might be working hard not to stammer or risk being laughed at. Read Rhian's story. Rhian was laughed at in a coffee shop because she stammered.

If someone is letting you see and hear their stammering, that's great. It means you're part of creating space and a welcoming environment for that person to talk.

Avoid saying things like "You're really brave". They're just getting on with life. 

And avoid congratulating them for fluent speech or for 'overcoming' their stammer. This can make them feel bad when they have a moment of stammering. Read more on our page 'Finding The Right Words'.

What next?

• Learn how you can be a stammering ally
• Become A STAMMA Member for free and join the community. We'll keep you updated with our activities.
• Get involved with the STAMMA community. Find an event, fundraise, share your story, volunteer, take part in research and more.

Donate & make a difference

Creating this page was only possible thanks to your kind donations. 

Please consider making a donation to STAMMA: click here. You'll be helping us to: 

• keep our support services running for people who stammer and worried parents
• put on workshops and support groups
• stage events to bring people together
• create guides for teachers and employers
• create our award-winning campaigns for change. 

Thank you.

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