Stammering In Cafés, Shops, Services, etc

Things you can do when buying or ordering things, checking in or asking questions if you stammer.

Speaking to strangers can be hard — you just don't know how they might react to your stammer.

Receptionists and cashiers might give you funny looks or rush you to speak. Baristas might pressure you to say your name to write on a cup. Bartenders might even think you're drunk and refuse to serve you.

If you usually avoid asking for help or would rather use a machine to buy tickets, you're not alone. Here are some tips that might help.

Your right to speak

Before reading on, try and remember that as a customer or service user you have the right to speak. You also have the right to take all the time you need. You don't deserve to be treated badly because you stammer. In fact, if an organisation treats you badly or makes things really difficult for you because you stammer, that's not just poor customer service. It's potentially against the law.

Queueing

If you're standing in a queue, focus on what you need to communicate rather than on people behind you. It can be hard, but try not to worry about holding them up if you do stammer. They can wait. Try not to assume what anyone will think either.

Relaxing

If you're feeling tense, try relaxation or breathing exercises before the situation. If you're in a queue for instance, or just about to enter a building.

Breathe in through the nose slowly, hold it for a few seconds then breathe out through your mouth. Tense, then relax, any areas of tension. For example, drop your shoulders. All this can help to reduce your heart rate, and feel calmer and less tense.

Don't make predictions

Try not to assume what anyone will think if you do stammer. It's easy to predict the worst when it might not actually happen. Try and be 'in the moment'.

Smiling & eye contact

Making eye contact can be tricky as many of us look away when we stammer, either consciously or unconsciously.

But if you can, smile and make eye contact with the other person. 9 times out of 10 the other person will smile back. It can put others at ease.

A young man and woman in a cafe looking at a waitress and holding a mobile phone to a card reader

Babszie & Orla

Resisting time pressure

Try and resist time pressure. Don't rush yourself or let others rush you. Remember, you have the right to speak just like anyone else.

Saying what you want

It can be so tempting to ask for something that's easier to say. For example, ending up with a flat white coffee when really you wanted a salted caramel mocha with whipped cream.

Try and go for the item you really want and the words you want to say — stammer or not. This can break the cycle of fear and avoidance. The more you avoid something, the more fearful you become of doing it. If you say what you want, even if you stammer, you might feel proud of yourself and it might be easier next time.

But in the moment this can be tough. You might be fully intending to say what you want but at the last minute order something else or point to the menu. But that's okay. Don't beat yourself up, be kind to yourself. You made the best choice for you in that moment. You can try again next time if you want.

Instead of beating yourself up, why not talk to us about it? Call our free helpline on 0808 802 0002 and share your thoughts with one of our fantastic volunteers. Or attend a stammering group and get support that way.

Ordering in a restaurant

Giving your order to a server when you're in a big group can be daunting. Especially if the server is at the other end of the table and expects you to give your order in front of everyone.

If this happens, try waving the server over so they move nearer to you. This might be more comfortable when giving your order.

Telling people you stammer

If people don't know what's happening, they can react to your stammer in ways that aren't helpful. They might look confused, uncomfortable, frightened even. It's often because they don't know what stammering is or how to react to it.

It can often help if you let them know that you stammer and just need time to speak. But don't apologise for it. This can raise awareness and help people learn what to do in future.

Our 'I Stammer' cards

You could show them one of our 'I Stammer' cards, which you can download or order. These explain that you stammer and just need extra time to speak.

Sunflower lanyards

Another option is to wear a Sunflower lanyard from Hidden Disabilities. This UK-wide scheme lets staff and health professionals know that you have a non-visible difference. Others will then know to be thoughtful when interacting with you.

Afterwards

When it's all over, try not to focus on how much you stammered. Instead, think about the outcome. Did you get what you wanted? Was your question answered? Try and focus on that achievement rather than how you think your speech was.

Resources

Scenari-aid

Check out the website scenariaid.com. It has video simulations to help people who stammer practise different speech situations.

These include ordering at fast food shops and restaurants, and asking for things in shops. Also, buying train tickets, making emergency calls, hotel check-ins and job interviews. It's free if you register.

Apps & fluency devices

If you're looking for something to make speaking easier or increase your fluency, you could try an app. There are also devices, which are more expensive. See Stammering Apps & Devices to find out all about them.

Stammering groups

Self-help/support groups are great places to practise speaking situations in a safe space. See if there's a stammering group near you. Go along and suggest doing role playing scenarios so you can build confidence.

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Don't accept bad treatment or barriers

Have you had a negative reaction to your stammer in shops, restaurants, hotels, etc? Or is something preventing you from using a service because you stammer? Let us know. They may be in breach of the law.

We can help. Go to our Advocacy Service page and fill in the form to tell us what happened. We'll help you decide if and how you want to challenge it.

Tell us your tips

Do you have any other tips? Email them to editor@stamma.org and we'll consider adding them to this page.

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