Stammering & Mental Health

How stammering might be affecting the way you are feeling, and what support is available. 

How we feel about stammering is influenced by all sorts of things. It can change over time or in response to different experiences. Some people who stammer find that their mental health and wellbeing is affected.

Negative speaking experiences can knock self esteem and confidence. So too can perceptions of how other people view your stammer. In turn, this can affect how you function in the world and connect with other people.

(Looking for help? Jump to Getting Support, further down.)

Feelings

If you stammer, you might feel: 

• that opportunities are limited. 
• that stammering prevents you from forming or maintaining friendships and relationships. Or from reaching your true potential. 
• that others won't find you attractive, or that they'll judge you for it.
• excluded from groups or colleagues. This may have left you wondering what you did that was so wrong, or questioning what sort of person you are. You might ask yourself: Is it me? Am I not likeable? Is there something wrong with me? Am I to blame?

Effects

All this can leave you feeling low, sad or depressed. You may have withdrawn and often turn down invitations to go out and socialise. Or you may have lost the motivation to keep on 'putting yourself out there'. 

Negative thoughts might be interrupting your sleep, or getting in the way of your day-to-day life. You might constantly feel anxious at work, or socially. You may have panic attacks over speaking situations.

People don't see what's going on underneath the surface: the depression, sadness, loneliness, frustration, shame and embarrassment. 

Read Harry's story

You might see stammering as being your fault and punish yourself for it. You might tell yourself off or beat yourself up after a negative experience. Some people might feel so bad that they stop looking after themselves. Or even start to question their right to exist altogether.

Maybe you have found ways to cope that aren't always healthy. Drinking more or using illicit substances, for instance. 

You might feel out of control of your stammer at times, and of others' reactions to it. So much so that you attempt to find this control through other means. Maybe repetitive or ritualistic behaviour has crept in and has left you feeling even more out of control and trapped.

It could be that feelings of rejection have led you into unsuitable relationships. Relationships that, whilst loving on some level, have left you feeling hurt or unsafe.

Not your fault

As people who stammer, there is nothing 'wrong' with or 'bad' about us. Our brains are just wired differently. That's all. We live in a fluency-obsessed, fast paced world. One which isn't quite as accepting, understanding or patient enough for some of its members.

People close to you might not be sensitive to how much it's affecting you. They might say things about your stammer or act in unhelpful ways. The repeated trauma resulting from this can understandably have a result.

Getting Support

Here is a list of support options if you feel your mental health is being affected. 

STAMMA Helpline services

If you need to talk to someone, contact us. Call free on 0808 802 0002 or start a webchat. Or email help@stamma.org Our volunteers all have a link to stammering, so they know what it's like.

• Join STAMMA for free and be part of our community

NHS help

Speech & language therapy: this doesn't solely work on making speaking easier. A speech & language therapist may also help you address your feelings. See Adult Stammering Therapy for details of NHS (as well as private) therapy.

Talking therapies: You can also get psychological or 'talking' therapies through the NHS. You can refer yourself — see the NHS page on talking therapies for anxiety and depression. Or you can ask your GP. Talking therapies might include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), Mindfulness or Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. City Lit in London sometimes runs courses for some of these things.

You can also speak with your GP, who may refer you to a Secondary Care Adult Mental Health Service. If it helps, download our Supporting letter for GPs below to fill out and give to your GP.

If you feel you need more urgent support or cannot keep yourself safe, call NHS 111 (press option 2). Or, attend your local A&E department who may direct you to the hospital's Mental Health Liaison Team.

Other links

Speaking with other people who stammer can be enormously beneficial to mental health. See our list of in-person and onine communities & groups you can join.

Helplines

Samaritans: You can talk to someone, any time of the day or night and they'll listen. Call 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org  

The Mix: The UK's leading support service for young people up to 25. Free, confidential, anonymous. Call 0808 808 4994,
open daily 4pm-11pm. themix.org.uk 

CALM: (The Campaign Against Living Miserably.) Confidential, anonymous, free. Call 0800 58 58 58 daily, 5pm-midnight or use their webchat via thecalmzone.net

Different approaches

If you try any of the following, if it helps you could download our 'Supporting letter for private therapists & counsellors' below to show them and let them know that you stammer.

Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT): Visit the Association for Contextual Behavioural Science or Act Mindfully websites.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Visit the British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies website.

Mindfulness: Visit Mindful for guides and resources.

Counselling & therapy: If you are looking for a Counsellor, Psychological Therapist or Psychologist in the private sector, ask for evidence that they are registered with an appropriate professional body.

Head over to our Your Voice section. There you can read tons of articles from people about the experience of stammering and how they cope. If you would like to share your story to help others, see Submit Something For The Site.

This page was produced with Dr Heidi King, STAMMA member and Clinical Psychologist.