My uni days with a stammer
Tom Wells describes the anxiety he felt before starting at Oxford University, but tells us how, by asking for support and joining in activities, his experience was positive.
University can be daunting for everyone. It's one of the first times young people must look after themselves without their parents, and navigate a brand new environment and social space. This milestone is a lot to juggle. Put a stammer into the equation and it can make the process seem scarier. Negative thoughts can spiral. Will I make new friends? Will I be able to communicate effectively? Will I belong?
I was one of those people and I wrote an article about it back in 2022. Three years later, having graduated from the University of Oxford, I hope my story will alleviate some of your fears.
Settling in
As the only person from my secondary school to go to Somerville College at Oxford, I was uncertain about finding my place. I was nervous. I watched multiple YouTube videos to learn how to tackle the first week and make new friends. I adopted the worst statement ever (especially for someone who stammers): "Freshers week will make or break your university experience". This statement is a complete and utter fabrication, and it only mounts unneeded pressure onto your shoulders. From my experience, and maybe those of others too, most of your close friends come later.
They accepted it and moved on. From there, thankfully everyone took the same approach to my stammer.
My first day was nowhere near the romanticised version I had concocted. Due to the traffic, my parents and I missed the opening event, so nobody was around when I unpacked. I felt disoriented and stressed, wondering if I was at the right place. The first person I met (now a close friend) listened to me stammering throughout the entire conversation, and an international student struggled to understand me as they were still getting up to speed with their English.
But I did meet another close friend later that evening.
Support
I learned early on that Oxford and Cambridge run a unique form of teaching called the 'tutorial system'. Each week, tutors give students a problem sheet or essay to complete and then, in a group of 2-3 students, they talk through that problem with a world-leading expert. I was worried about this so I decided to tell tutors that I stammered and asked them to give me time to explain my thoughts. They reacted with respect, which was not dramatised or focused upon. They accepted it and moved on. From there, thankfully everyone took the same approach to my stammer in seminars and tutorials, so I didn't have to worry about peoples' attitudes and didn't dwell too much on it. This allowed me to realise that the system is all about being able to exploring a problem, not to sound fluent.
Another avenue of support for stammering is through the Student Support or Disability Services, so if you don't feel comfortable speaking to a tutor, go there.
People want to plant their flag and say ‘this is me’. Our stammer gives us a mechanism to do that.
Outside of university I attended meetings run by the Oxford Stammering Meet Up Group after learning about them through my speech therapist. It was great to meet other people who stammered; they accepted and welcomed me in.
My main support were the university friends I made, however. They accepted me for who I am, and vice versa. And they were the ones who made my university experience special and unique. We became friends through the consistent contact of talking through ideas and sharing jokes during dinner in Somerville's simple yet elegant dining hall — a testament to the pioneering women who made the college what it is today. Through this simple effort, we became close, went on holiday, and learnt to value and encourage each other. Friendships come in many forms, but those formed through effort, commitment and patience are best.
Seeking challenges
University is a great place to seek new challenges and opportunities.
At the end of my first year, I relaxed into my new environment and joined university and non-university clubs and societies. Ironically, as a person who stammers, my first consistent club was the Oxford Speakers Club — a Toastmasters club that teaches people public speaking. I remember attending my first event, and the leader called me up to present a spontaneous two-minute speech called a 'table topic'. I felt my stomach knotting, but I was thankful for my A-level drama experience and the work I did with my voice before university. To my surprise, I won the best table topic of the evening. Let's say I felt confident joining the club and later won multiple certificates, became the club's secretary and used those skills to present a TEDx talk in January 2024.
Everybody at university wants to see the real you and see how you think. Everyone is looking for their identity and to stand out in the crowd. People want to plant their flag and say 'this is me'. Our stammer gives us a mechanism to do that. Of course, we all have different types of stammers and various reactions to them. Some of us have more severe stammers than others; therefore, we all have different perspectives.
However, I urge us all to celebrate our voices rather than see them as a problem or a burden — there are too many obstacles and challenges for us. Don't make your own thoughts one of them!
About to start uni? Check out our pages:
- Help With Stammering At University. Find out about the support you can get.
- Socialising at University. Helpful tips for meeting new people.
Read more articles about university life from STAMMA members.
Would you like to write something? See Submit Something For The Site or email editor@stamma.org for details.
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