Socialising At University If You Stammer

Tips for coping with the social side of things at uni, including Freshers Week.

Going to university can be daunting. It's a whole new social world with new people to meet. If you stammer, you might be especially worried about making connections. How can you navigate this and get the most out of your uni experience?

When I first started university I was terrified — not knowing anyone, new place, but I also had my stammer to cope with, a whole extra hurdle. I was most worried about meeting new people.

Read Bethan's story

First of all, it's a very different environment to school. You'll generally find that people are more accepting of differences. The university too will likely be supportive and clued up about wellbeing issues.

I think it's good to remember that you're all adults so it's VERY unlikely anyone will be immature enough to comment negatively about your stammer. I was very nervous but was shocked by how absolutely unbothered people were by my stammer!

(Charlotte, via Facebook)

Meeting flatmates

If you're moving away from home you might be really anxious about meeting the people you'll be living with. Lots of universities facilitate pre-introductions by setting up Whatsapp or Facebook groups. These let you chat with and get to know your new flatmates online before meeting them. Ask your university about these before starting your course.

Freshers Week

Universities usually have a 'Freshers week' which is all about helping you settle into uni life before lectures begin. There'll be loads of events and it's a bit of a social whirl. A lot is made out of Freshers Week and it can build up as a point of anxiety for many. 

Our Social Media Manager Neha says in her blog 'Starting university: my experiences': "Don't see Freshers Week as the be-all-and-end-all. Mingle, have fun, but don't think your university experience relies on a single week.

'There'll be different ways to socialise, so tons of ways to make friends in ways you and your stammer are comfortable with. Don't do well in loud, noisy areas and club settings? Many Student Unions do drop-ins, non-drinking socials and quieter welcome events that you can ease your way into. 

'Prefer to meet people you share interests with so you don't have to cast about for small talk? Go to the Freshers Fair to check out the different societies and clubs on offer. Or ask at the Student Union for a list of societies".

Don't avoid completely

It can be tempting to sit out Freshers events if the anxiety gets too much. But try and mix in. In an episode of our podcast Around The Block all about Freshers Week, co-host Matty says:

If I could give one tip to anybody, it would be go to the Freshers events. Just go and if they're crap, then leave. You haven't lost anything from doing it and you might gain a whole lot.

Introducing yourself & mentioning stammering

Saying your name can be hard when you stammer. But think about stepping out of your comfort zone and mentioning your stammer when meeting people. Being open about it can help take the pressure off and empower you. It can let others know what's going on and help them understand why speaking situations might be hard for you.

It doesn't need to be a big thing. Mention it in a matter-of-fact way. Eg, "By the way, you might notice I stammer sometimes," and then talk about something else. If the person you're talking to reacts in an unhelpful way, it's a good time to tell them about stammering and what they can do that would help you. But there's no pressure — if it doesn't feel right then that's fine. 

Try your hardest to leave the anxiety and apprehension behind you. I've found that just mentioning your stammer casually in conversation with people is an easier way of flagging your potential disfluency... and people respond really well to it.

(Alexander, via Facebook)

You could also download or buy one of our 'I Stammer' cards to let people know you need more time to speak. Use it if you feel you're about to stammer, or at the start of the conversation.

Watch Tash talk about her experiences of meeting new people at uni below.

I made an effort to spend time with those who were understanding and were patient enough to listen to me. 

Read India's story.

Go to the Student Union

Seek out the Student Union, who are bound to have wellness and wellbeing events. They're there to make sure you have a good uni experience.

Final words

Things can be hard when you stammer but try and get out there. The more you do things, the easier they can become and the more confident you'll get. Seek out people on the same wavelength — join societies and find clubs based on your interests.

If you need to chat, talk with us. Call our free helpline on 0808 802 0002 or start a webchat. Or email help@stamma.org All our support service volunteers have a connection to stammering so they know what it's like.

Links

More support at uni

• See Getting Help With Stammering at University. It lays out the support you can get for speaking on your course.
• Watch the video 'Supporting Students Who Stammer'. Three students talk about their uni experiences and give advice to others who stammer. 
• Our Your Voice section has articles about life at uni from our supporters. Want to write something yourself?
• Share our Guide For University Staff page with your tutors/course leaders so they can support you.
• Visit the Stammerers Through University Consultancy site. It supports students and higher education staff who stammer. ​Read founder Claire Maillet's article on why she set it up.

Stammering support

• See Help For Your Stammer for all the support options out there.
• Our Communities & Groups page has a list of local or online stammering groups.
• Follow us on Social Media: Instagram @stammauk / X @stammer.
• Join our 'STAMMA: Space for Stammering’ Facebook Support Group. 
• Visit these American websites for young people who stammer: friendswhostutter.org and www.say.org
• Stamily. An international community of people who stammer.

What next?

• Become A STAMMA Member for free and join the community. We'll keep you updated with our events and activities.
• Get involved with the STAMMA community. Find an event, fundraise, share your story, volunteer, take part in research and more.