My stand-up video: A Tight Five Hours

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Ewan

Ewan McPherson tells us how doing stand-up comedy helped him come to terms with his stammer, and the video he made about it.

I was surprised when I learnt that for those of us affected, there is a slight difference in the way our brain works when we stammer. And every time I performed stand-up on stage and my stammer kicked in, one thought kept going through my mind: what the hell is going on in my brain? 

I imagined the chemistry inside my skull sloshing around, like one of those executive desk toys where two liquids mesh with each other when you rock it from side to side. For those of us of a certain age, we may remember The Numbskulls comic strip, which featured a bunch of workers inside a human body, each with their own department and role. The 'brain technician', I thought, must be frantically trying to work the controls of my mind while getting completely soaked in whatever chemicals are getting used in there. All while I'm trying — sometimes panicking — to get my words across to a roomful of people expecting me to make them laugh.

...I thought my gibbering wreck of a body would have to be physically carried onstage by the MC. But after I got through the jokes, I was grinning from ear to ear. 

I started doing stand-up comedy after enrolling on a course, where I was determined to talk about Brexit. At first I found my stammer quite annoying but then realised it had also given me a rich vein of material. So I worked on getting my 'tight five' (the comedian's term for getting a strong five-minute set together) and the more I rehearsed, the more confident I became on stage. More importantly, I found it a means of starting to live with my stammer. Even better, audience members came up to me after each show and gave me their own experiences of knowing someone who stammers. One person told me they stammered, looked at me in utter bewilderment and said, "I don’t know how on earth you can do that!!"

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Ewan doing a stand-up routine

Yes, doing stand-up IS TERRIFYING — at first. Unless they are insane/heavily-medicated, everyone will be absolutely nerve-wracked at the beginning. At my end-of-course night, I thought my gibbering wreck of a body would have to be physically carried onstage by the MC. But after I got through the jokes, I was grinning from ear to ear. Stand-up is the type of thing that everyone CAN do, they just don't realise it.

And my god, it's confidence-building! Everyone that stammers has their own experiences to relate back to. We've all stood there wondering if we could get away with strangling that person who finishes what we are about to say (trust me, we can't, although I'm about to start a petition to at least get the discussion going in Parliament). And, just like any other condition, humour is a way not of coming to terms with your stammer, but actually owning it. 

My documentary

After taking the well-worn path from comedy to filmmaking, I was particularly inspired by the documentary module in my film production degree course. Having cut my teeth making a promotional video for the Scottish Stammering Network, I won £250 in the Queer Filmmakers Network pitching competition and made A Tight Five Hours, my short documentary featuring an 'in-the-moment' live performance on stage. During the set, the 'brain tech' frantically tries to find the solution to stop a meltdown through stammering by recalling interviews with other performers living with conditions and allied promoters. 

Stand-up is the type of thing that everyone CAN do, they just don't realise it.  

When making the film, I realised I had to symbolise the stammering and show in some way the difference in brain activity. Due to budget limitations, I had to ditch my original idea of the brain tech actor getting soaked every time I stammered, which was a pity. This role was played by my friend Donald and I was honestly looking for a good excuse to chuck buckets of slime over him. We had to settle for an 'earthquake' instead. 

Yes, the film, like most low-budget films, is rough around the edges. But I'm proud of what's been accomplished with A Tight Five Hours. It's now been submitted to more festivals and I'm keeping everything crossed that it will continue to be selected, hopefully raising the awareness of the challenges faced by people who stammer.   

To find out more about Ewan's film A Tight Five Hours, or to arrange a showing, visit the Hugo &  Clay Productions website.  

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