Book review: Life After 18

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John Ford

The quiet powers of reflection, love and friendship. STAMMA volunteer Jack Nicholas reviews 'Life After 18', a self-published book by our former librarian John Ford, which you can download for free below.

This quietly startling memoir begins with the author accepting and preparing for death. His own and that of his wife, Valerie, to whom he dedicates this book ("Sine qua non"). John Ford, who was this charity's volunteer librarian (when STAMMA was called the British Stammering Association) for many years, describes a life shaped by stammering, yet refusing to be defined by it. He writes dispassionately and with a calm wit, offering a unique perspective that will resonate with people who stammer and their allies.

Although Ford refers to his less than happy boyhood in Peking and then Lancing College, his story really begins with his time at Peterhouse College in Cambridge: years marked by moments of frustration and uncertainty, partly because of his stammer, partly, he thinks, because of his natural approach to life. 

Ford's stammer is a physical and emotional thread woven throughout his story, but he refuses to let it define him.

The story continues: a fairly disastrous time in the Civil Service followed by training as a librarian and spending the rest of his working life in various public libraries, where he was happy to talk to the public, perhaps less happy to engage with colleagues. 

So far, so straightforward, but the linear account of a life is largely hidden under reflections, digressions and anecdotes. This is not a memoir of action and events but of thought and friendship. Certain experiences and ideas lodged in his mind become triggers to branch out into a stream of consciousness following many different trains of thought. This is a book about many things that refuses to be tied down to any one of them.

Stammering & passions

Stammering is, and is not, one of the topics that this book is about. Ford's stammer is a physical and emotional thread woven throughout his story, but he refuses to let it define him: 

"Some reading this, particularly many stammerers, may wish I'd based this whole memoir around my stammer. But although at times it has indeed dominated my life, I rail against the idea that it has been the most important factor in it."

Similarly, Ford recounts his experiences as a librarian with humour and insight, but again does not let his work dominate his story. Typically, the impact of stammering on his career is both recognised and discounted:

"I became the elderly expert —  though I was far less expert and rather less old than many thought — who threatened nobody's position and who would always listen sympathetically to anyone's questions. That this was at least partly a façade didn't seem to matter."

Because, above all else, this is a book about love. A love both of people and of the moments that make up a life. A call for us all that these moments are to be seized, lived, treasured.

More important to Ford are his many passions: music, art, literature, poetry, buildings, places and walking. His knowledge about his interests is wide and immense. If you made a list of the books, music and paintings that he mentions, you would have a cultural guide that could take a lifetime to explore. Many of the references are fleeting with no concessions to a reader's lesser knowledge — he has thought long and deeply about these things and gives his readers the courtesy of doing the same for themselves — or ignoring them, as they wish. 

So, this is not a book for those wanting a bald account of a stammering life or detailed views on what stammering means to an individual or society. It is for those who want a glimpse into a recent society that already feels distant, and a longer look at a fascinating character always keen to explore. 

Friendship & connection

Many of us wonder about roads not taken and chances missed. Perhaps people who stammer do this more than most as a consequence of not always feeling able to speak up as they might want. Certainly, Ford thinks deeply about choices made and not made. He is not self-pitying. Quite the opposite. He is bracingly clear and hard on himself.

Choices for Ford are about seizing the moment so you and others can live richer and fuller lives.

His life is one of friendship and connection. Some key figures are connected with the British Stammering Association: Roy Tranckle, a friend who encouraged him to rejoin a stammering self-help group. Another closed friend Owen Simon, admired for his intellect and compassion; Norbert Lieckfeldt, director of the BSA quietly tolerant of his wayward librarian.

With such good friends, long walks and much thought, Ford becomes more accepting of his stammering. But not easily. He insists on personal honesty. Can you really do this job? Is it really your stammer that is holding you back? These are questions many people who stammer will face.

And under the disinterested calm, there is anger. Again he is honest about this:

"…my attitude towards the world in general and my stammer began to change. I began to become angry. This was a calm unvarying anger that I have never shown and I am quite sure none of my friends are aware it exists. My stammer was of course the cause."

This seems to be an intense, searing anger partly at society and his work for not being more accepting of stammering, but also at himself for the times he did not speak up. He asks difficult questions of himself: Should we accept what life throws at us, or should we force our wishes onto the world? Is love selfless or selfish and can it be both?

Because, above all else, this is a book about love. A love both of people and of the moments that make up a life. A call for us all that these moments are to be seized, lived, treasured.

Life After 18 by John Ford is a self-published book, which you can download the PDF below for free. John is happy to send a physical copy if you would like one. Email John at jford17845@aol.com

Thank you very much to Jack Nicholas for reviewing John's book. If you would like to join our volunteer review team, email editor@stamma.org