'A safe pair of hands'

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Bill

Bill McMillan tells us about rising through the ranks at work, confounding colleagues who thought he wouldn't get anywhere because he stammered. He's glad things seem to be changing.

All my life I have wondered why people get angry at those who stammer. As if we're not 'normal' and 'can't speak properly'. Are we supposed to just sit in a corner and keep quiet? And not have ambitions?

Some may regard people who stammer as being incapable of becoming managers. "He gets all excited and goes red when he tries to speak — how can he cope with all the stress?", "I think it's all in the mind". These are genuine comments I have had thrown in my direction over the years and I reckon a lot of others would have had it too. My favourite was when I once overheard someone say, "Oh, he's not bad at what he does but don't ask him to stand up and make an after-dinner speech".

I really wanted to be an artist or a writer. But the careers adviser suggested I try being a welder as I wouldn't have to speak.

I was of course upset, and it still upsets me some 25 years on. I've told myself the rage and hurt disappeared a long time ago but now and then it rises to the surface like a hideous monster. Nowadays I just accept it and inwardly curse whenever I get that part-puzzled, part-incredulous, sometimes angry look when I stammer.

Trainee

When I left school, I really wanted to be an artist or a writer. But the careers adviser suggested I try being a welder as I wouldn't have to speak. But I had always liked writing and I applied for a job with the Scottish Daily Express. I didn't get it — I was told that people had to be articulate to telephone their report into the office.

I eventually got taken on as a trainee in a building/timber company. I had never had much interest in construction but I worked as hard as I could, studied at night school and got some letters after my name. 

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Back then I was very withdrawn. However, there was another, much older man who had been in the company for years who also stammered. This may have paved the way for me because the other colleagues seemed to be so used to him that they took no notice of my stammer most of the time. But sometimes my shyness and stammering was the butt of 'jokes'.

Growing in confidence

I changed jobs quite a bit, in the same trade, and gradually my confidence grew. Talking to customers was something I came to relish and going to building sites was very enjoyable. I had a few standard well-rehearsed jokes (carefully avoiding problem words) and these helped to calm angry site agents. 

...just because you stammer doesn't automatically mean you won’t have a high-flying successful career. 

By my mid-thirties I was made a director of a successful family company. Those were possibly the best working years of my life and I enjoyed being in charge of people. It later merged with another company, one that loved having conferences and get togethers. I went to those at first but noticed the social events were somehow deemed not to be for me. They'd say, "Hi Bill, just a quick word. We're having a team building day next month. You know, the sort of thing where we build a raft and all that nonsense and then do karaoke. Frankly we need a safe pair of hands to mind the shop when we're away".

But I stuck at things and didn't retire until I was 72, and then only for family reasons. My parents had always drilled into me the self-respect and dignity of labour.

More acceptance

Would I have had a different or 'better' career if I didn't stammer? Possibly. I didn't always find it easy to speak out to defend myself or to put forward my opinion. I always had a tendency to freeze when speaking to bosses.

I now find I can speak about my stammer when before I chose not to. Joining STAMMA has given me the direction to talk about it and not hide away. I won't pretend I do that all the time — a lifetime of covert speaking is not an easy habit to break. 

Nowadays there is, in my opinion, much more acceptance and young people starting work get much more help, or so it is said. I doubt they'd have to face what I was told by the Scottish Daily Express when I was starting out.

I want to encourage not just the young people who stammer reading this, but the wider public too that stammering is just, well, stammering. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of and just because you stammer doesn't automatically mean you won't have a high-flying successful career. I think a lot of people who stammer have strengths such as empathy with others, resilience, and they're often more creative. 

Once someone asked me what I thought about being the only one in my family who stammered. I gave a glib reply that I was just lucky. But since joining STAMMA I now know how lucky I am being part of the stammering community.

For support with stammering and employment, see our Work & Job Hunting section. Looking for help with a work-related issue? Contact our Employment Support Service.

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