We just want Luca to be confident to be himself
Luke Dilnot gives an honest account of how it can feel when your child stammers, and tells us how taking his son stock car racing is helping to grow his confidence.
We first noticed Luca's stammer around the time he started nursery. We just assumed it was a phase he was going through. We were referred to speech therapy with a stammering specialist through Luca's school, and following that he was invited to attend a group session over five weeks. This involved being in a room with five other children around the same age and their parents, including us. With Luca being a very insular kid, these open talking sessions didn't really suit him as he never spoke at the meetings. To be honest, I wasn't very comfortable with it either, being put on the spot at 40 years-old, so I dread to think what it was like for an 8-year-old to speak in front of a group of strangers.
Not knowing how to help
For us as parents it's been hard. At the end of the day no parent wants to see their child struggle or feel embarrassed to speak in case they stammer. We find it hardest after school. When we ask him about his day, he tries so hard to get the words out that we struggle to understand him sometimes, as awful as that sounds. We describe it as being like dropping a Mentos mint into a bottle of coke, when it fires out liquid at such a rate it goes everywhere. It's an awful feeling as a parent when you don't know to help him with his speech. Coping-wise, we just have to take any help that's offered to us.
At the end of the day no parent wants to see their child struggle or feel embarrassed to speak in case they stammer.
Throughout his school life so far, Luca has been less confident than his peers to answer questions in class voluntarily. Often his classwork has not reflected what he knows, as he has always been reluctant to ask for help if he needs it. Although we have always tried not to draw attention to it when he stammers, he has become very self conscious about it at times. Children have asked why he 'gets stuck' and he told us some stopped listening to him during an episode when he stammered a lot. He's kept his friend circle fairly small with those who have accepted him for who he is, with his stammer being a part of him, just as him wearing his glasses makes him our Luca.
Stock car racing
As a family we're into stock car racing and I'm a member of a local racing team. I bring Luca along to watch and hang out with the team members. I think it's helped him come out of his shell to a certain extent, with him being around unfamiliar surroundings and faces. He talks with people who speak to him and I haven't come across anyone mentioning his stammer; they've listened to what he says with no interruptions. They just let him talk, which has been brilliant for his self confidence.
Luca is on the pathway for an autism diagnosis as well, which makes things a little harder, especially when he's funny around mud. We race on shale, which is like a clay and sand mix, so with 30 cars racing in the wet you can guess it gets a little mucky. It was a bit of a sensory overload for him, or so we thought, but he got stuck in scraping the shale off the car ready for the next heat. So I'd say the racing has definitely helped him.
...they've listened to what he says with no interruptions. They just let him talk, which has been brilliant for his self confidence.
Raising awareness
I had a chat with the car's owner Drew and the other mechanic on the team, Andy, about my idea to put the STAMMA logo and website on the car. As they both know Luca, they were on board 100%, so I fired off an email to STAMMA, telling them about Luca and asking if it would be possible to add the logo so that we could spread stammering awareness. It being a family oriented sport, the public are allowed to get close up with the cars and drivers, and they come and walk round the pits and take photos which they share on social media, so it's getting the STAMMA name out there.
Over time, Luca has started to accept that he stammers and we have seen him go through so many ups and downs of not stammering much for a month, then really struggling again. It can be such a hard thing to listen to your child and fight the urge to try and help by finishing his sentences. But we tell him it's OK. Obviously we just want him to be accepted as he is and be confident to be himself in front of anybody, regardless of his stammer.
As Luke says, it can be challenging when you child stammers. But there are things you can do to help them. See Help If Your Child Stammers for tips. We also run online parent support groups where you can share experiences with other parents.
Call our helpline on 0808 802 0002 or start a webchat if you want to talk to us about it.
Would you like to write an article to tell us and other parents how you're getting on? See Submit Something For The Site or email editor@stamma.org for details.
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