Hip hop gave me the voice I found hard to find

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Shane aka XLS

Shane White, aka XLS, tells us how music helped him to communicate his thoughts and feelings around stammering.

Since the age of 4, I have wanted to get across opinions and views verbally, but was frustrated from doing this. Stammering was a daily occurrence — presentations, reading out loud in class, saying "Good morning" to the teacher as they took the register, and social situations all had a negative impact on my childhood. But with years of speech therapy, I learnt to control my speech.

Hip hop played a big part in improving my confidence and flow of speech. Since discovering it, my stammer has taken a back seat in my life.

Passion

I discovered hip hop in my early teens, being influenced by my parents and school friends. It became a particular passion for me as the artists I listened to told their struggles through the art form of rap. Listening to it more and more, I started to think to myself "maybe I could do this". Throughout school, I had a passion for writing stories; it was my strong point as it made up for my lack of verbal communication.

Writing my thoughts down in the form of a song really changed my feelings and thoughts towards my stammer. Rapping over an instrumental track is how I express how I'm feeling the best as there are no walls to break down like there are when having a normal conversation.

Writing my thoughts down in the form of a song really changed my feelings and thoughts towards my stammer.

In the final year of high school I'd use every free moment to write rhymes on any piece of paper I had to hand. I'd watch YouTube videos for tips on how to rap and write songs, and I listened to my favourite hip hop artists over and over including Eminem, Wu Tang Clan, Nas, Tupac, Notorious B.I.G and more.

The first song I wrote about my stammer, under my rap name XLS, was called 'Silent Treatment'. It's taken from my first mixtape of the same name and it explains what it's like to live with a stammer.

Performing

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XLS performing live

I now perform live at any opportunity. I've performed across Lancashire and I've even played in Scotland. There are not enough words to get across how it feels to perform music live. It's the greatest feeling as a person with a stammer. It feels like I've 'won' in a way. That I haven't let the fear beat me. The first time performing live l was so nervous but as soon as the music started it was a different me — I was confident and my nerves disappeared. I speak between songs a little, which is the most nerve-wracking part, but it seems to be fine.

The first time performing live l was so nervous but as soon as the music started it was a different me — I was confident and my nerves disappeared.

In the studio too, when the instruments start playing and the record button has been pressed, nobody would even think that I have a stammer. This is the biggest surprise factor for people when they hear/see me and my music. It's a totally different person compared to the everyday me. I think the rhythm is definitely part of it.

I've worked with a few artists and musicians and they are surprised when they discover that I stammer. But it doesn't stop them working with me. The stammer is there but so is my confidence because music-related conversations are something that I am confident with. They compliment and respect me for using music as a therapy option and dealing with my stammer in a positive way. As a result, I have no issues in communicating with people in the industry now.

Life experiences

I work full time, have plans to get married this year and last year I became a father. These huge life experiences have had a positive impact on my speech and through music I express my feelings about my life.

I currently have two projects: the first is 'It's A North West Thing' which is a collaboration album with a friend of mine. The other is an EP including the lead single 'Broken Poetry', a song mainly about my stammer.

Music is my therapy now. No matter what happens on stage, music is a 'safe place' for me. This just shows the power that hip hop has in my everyday life.

Hip hop didn't invent anything, hip hop reinvented everything.

Visit xlshane.co.uk or Shane/XLS's YouTube channel to hear his music. Parental guidance for explicit lyrics is advised for his other stuff. Follow him on Instagram @xlsmusic

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