Building the art of listening as a stammerer

Thursday 13th February 2025

Josephine

Josephine Uzorh gives her tips for improving listening skills, which have helped her to build meaningful connections with others.

Talking often feels like second nature to most people. Many speak without hesitation, while some carefully measure their words before uttering them. As a stammerer, however, speaking was a daunting task for me while growing up — something I approached with fear and dread. I often wished I could remain silent, avoiding any interaction. And many times, I did just that.

I remember one vivid experience: I accompanied my older brother to his classes at a state polytechnic, here in Nigeria. While waiting for him at a school park, I sat at a table for over six hours, surrounded by students. Despite their efforts to engage me with questions, all I could muster were nods in response. I felt like an outsider, unable to initiate or participate in conversations. When we finally left for home, I felt a wave of embarrassment and regret. I wished I had spoken to someone, made a friend, or simply shared in the moment. But I didn't.

Whenever I find myself in situations where speaking feels overwhelming, I focus on listening instead.

Looking back, that experience taught me an important lesson — not about talking but about listening. Communication is not just about speaking; it's a two-way process that heavily relies on listening, understanding and then responding. Had I embraced the art of listening, I could have built meaningful connections without placing all the pressure on my speech.

Stammerers, like myself, often have a heightened sensitivity and empathy toward the communication struggles of others. This makes us naturally skilled listeners — an asset we sometimes overlook. Listening involves more than just hearing words; it's about interpreting their meaning, picking up on non-verbal cues and responding thoughtfully.

Listening skills tips

As a stammerer, whenever I find myself in situations where speaking feels overwhelming, I focus on listening instead. Here are some tips I have applied to leverage my listening skills while connecting with others:

1) Ask open-ended questions

Start conversations by asking questions that require more than a yes or no answer. For instance, instead of asking, "Do you like this class?", ask "What do you enjoy most about this class?" This invites the other person to share their thoughts, allowing you to listen attentively and engage naturally.

2) Find common ground

Look for shared interests — whether professional, political or even personal. Discussing mutual experiences or topics creates a natural flow of conversation where listening becomes effortless and meaningful.

3) Embrace the role of the listener

Sometimes, the best way to connect is by letting the other person talk. Your attentiveness and genuine interest can foster a deeper connection, often more impactful than words. A friend once told me that my ability to listen was a major reason she felt drawn to me and enjoyed talking and spending time with me.

4) Be open and willing to engage

Shift your mindset from hiding in the background to being present in the moment. Remember, connection begins with openness — both to speak and to listen. I have learnt to be present in the moment, and take conscious note of the people and happenings in my environment. This makes it easier for me to interact with people.

Mastering the art of listening has been a transformative journey for me. It not only eased the pressure of speaking but also allowed me to build authentic connections with others. So, if you're a stammerer like me, struggling with communication, remember this: your ability to listen is a powerful tool that can turn silence into understanding and hesitation into connection. The secret is to be open and willing to connect with people.

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