Acting has been the antidote to constant anxiety

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James with one of his Best Youth Performer awards

James Oxburgh relives his first acting audition and tells us how being on stage has boosted his confidence no end.

Having a stammer must be one of the most challenging aspects of my life. On the surface it affects the way I speak to the people around me and how they interact with me in response. But below that, there's the dictation it has over every social interaction and if I choose to force myself into one. In these situations I get the odd strange look, or an impatient person cutting me off. 

I developed my stammer around age 11. Growing up without one gave way to an entire frustration of helplessness and the thought that if I didn't have it before, why couldn't I stop stammering now? This frustration was, in part, a driving factor leading me towards the stage. 

First audition

My first taste of acting was at age 12. My best friend at the time dragged me to an audition for a production of The Jungle Book. I'll never forget walking down the stairs into that basement flat, convinced I was about to make a fool of myself. I tried to turn back but to no avail and I was practically pushed through the door. Eyes instantly locked onto me. Anxiety and pressure were not a good mix when it came to my speech. I was daunted by the fact that I was worried about my stammer, which in turn would make me stammer more and the worrying would get worse: the vicious cycle. I sat on the chair and read my part, warning the director that I might stammer before I began. 

I'll never forget walking down the stairs into that basement flat, convinced I was about to make a fool of myself. 

A week went by before I received the news that I got the main role of Mowgli. Ecstasy ensued, proving to myself that nothing could hold me back. This flooded me with the confidence I needed, not only for the stage but for my home life, school and even telling the bus driver where I wanted to go. It seemed to be the answer to something that I had seen as plaguing me up until then. Acting became my escape from myself. Learning lines and concentrating on putting on strange accents was an almost complete antidote to the constant anxiety over stammering, and I would never have guessed it. 

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James (middle) and cast after a performance

Awards

I started taking part in drama festivals when I was 14. The dynamic was completely different at festivals and the competitive nature only added pressure, which impacted my stammer. The one-act plays that are performed for festivals mean there was no interval where I could check my script. If I had any shade of uncertainty in my performance my stammer would appear, almost to inform everyone that I didn't know what I was doing, or that's what it felt like. However, keeping a level head and trying my hardest to be confident led me to be nominated for four awards and winning Best Youth Performer twice. 

Directors have told me that it can make people listen more when something doesn't sound how they expect. 

My stammer has never been consistent, and it's the same on stage. I have had whole shows where I have been completely fluent, and others where I've struggled with my speech. For example, in a pantomime I did last year I stammered more on stage than at any point since I started acting. Sometimes I have had a slight stammer which can become part of a character, similarly to how it is a part of me. Maybe people don't notice it as much as me and things aren't going as bad as I think they are. Directors have told me that it can make people listen more when something doesn't sound how they expect. 

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My fellow actors have been some of the greatest and most supportive friends anyone could ask for. When sharing a stage with them I feel encouraged and confident. It's easier to feel less anxious when there is clear unconditional support from your peers. 

Grab opportunities

I would say throw yourself in the deep end, make the most of opportunities and don't let anyone say there's something you can't do. Don't make compromises if there's something you want to go for but are worried about stammering. If you are more extrovert like me, be the extrovert that you are at heart and don't let worries about your speech stop you from trying something new and becoming a better person because of it. 

That first production I took part in quickly turned into two, which then became three and is now almost 20 productions in five years. Surrounding myself with people that know me and performing for people that have never seen me. It has been the pleasure of my life to be on stage with amazing people and performing for my community. Although this will conclude next year when I go to university, it has moulded me into the person I am today and instilled an incomparable confidence that I carry with me always.

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