This poem has certainly helped my current mood

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Liam

Liam Roberts shares the poem he wrote to express his recent feelings about stammering, and the story behind it.

A Poem for those who stammer

By Liam Roberts

Imagine yourself, red-faced, temper rising

Indignant even, in the face of rudeness or insult 

A match of protest struck within 

To which you have a perfect response, 

The deftest of rebuttals 

And the smartest of replies 

But 

In that moment, you choke 

With the familiar feeling way down in your stomach 

Rising hot with embarrassment, writhing in shame 

All the way up to your throat 

There, it is a boiling, bubbling lump of frustration 

Stuck, seemingly forevermore at the final hurdle — 

The mouth. 

Words which were meant to ride the ebb and the flow of your every breath, 

To come out smooth and with purpose 

Now sputter, stumble, and stutter from you, 

Seemingly evaporating all meaning to what you were poised to say. 

The moment gone, the horse bolted and you've fallen from your saddle, 

All that is left to show are a sea of faces,

Some patient, some sympathetic, some mocking 

Peering through your looking-glass 

And froze in the moment with you. 

For you, this moment lasts an aching, burning eternity 

But for them, it's a slight frown or a look of small pity, 

A few seconds in time soon forgotten.

They do not know, they must not know — how could they? 

What it is to have the tied — tongues of those who stammer.

The story behind the poem

Hi, I'm Liam. In recent months I've been feeling low about my stammer and it has — I feel — started to affect me at work. (I've no indication of this from colleagues, but the pressure I put myself under warps my perception of things.) 

I'm currently working as a support worker, and every night I have to ring my client's parents to give an update on the day. One particular evening I struggled quite a bit on the phone and afterwards began to get upset about how things had been recently, especially that phone conversation, and just felt immensely low about it all. 

I had the idea of writing something — anything. This poem came out and I felt much better. It's a brutally honest take on how I view my stammer sometimes, one I feel others perhaps might understand. Writing definitely helps me to formulate and express my thoughts, and speak about them. 

I thought it might be of use to someone who's feeling a similar way. It has certainly helped my current mood and I'd be pleased if just one person could identify with it.

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