Realising I can be a football coach and stammer

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Alex, with a trophy he's helped his team to win

To Alex Benjamin, getting a job that involved talking to people just wasn't on the cards. Read how that all changed as he gained confidence to start breaking the mould.

I never really noticed my stammer as a youngster, but I remember going to speech therapy from the age of 5, all the way through my primary school years. When other children found out and noticed my difference, that is when my confidence started to break. I remember shying away from public speaking, and bottling up my frustration and anger playing football at lunch times. I was never bullied for my stammer but I was aware of little jokes and giggles.

Fast forward to leaving secondary school, I had to find out what I wanted to do for my career, and public speaking, or what I call 'social jobs' that involved talking to people, were not on my list. As I loved football I had joined a club but unfortunately my career ended just after my 18th birthday when I had to have knee surgery. It was a long road to rehab and my coaches and club, who managed me over those nine months, ignored progress reports and updates. That made me want to start a career in player welfare and coaching. Supporting athletes became a passion of mine very quickly.

A brave career path?

Many might think going into football coaching would be a 'weird' and brave career path to go down for someone who stammers, seeing as it's considered as such a social job. I was interested to see if there were any coaches with a stammer working in professional academies or environments. That's when I came across STAMMA late one night whilst doom-scrolling in my room at uni. Reading stories from other people who stammer who are coaches too, like Martin, Michael and Declan, finally made me aware and feel supported of what I wanted to do.

I remember shying away from public speaking, and bottling up my frustration and anger playing football at lunch times.

So I signed up for a coaching course. The first session where I had to lead the group was scary. I had a lot of doubt and fear, and questioned whether I had chosen the right course or career. I am proud to admit that I felt I managed my speech well, with hand movements and 'que' taps that I taught myself to get over those big words. 'Que' taps are what I call the action of tapping a part of your body, like your thighs, to get through a word. I gained more confidence as I realised this is something I CAN do.

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Alex on the pitch

Coaching in schools brought a different dimension to how I coach and act. Children often ask black and white questions like, "Sir, why do you have a stammer?" or "Sir, are you OK?" whilst I tap and wave my fingers. Educating them about myself made me feel more confident and proud about who I am. Coaching children who also stammer brings me a lot of pride too. When they feel confident to come and talk to me, and giving them space and time to express themselves, makes me feel like I'm making a difference. 

My lowest point

Making a progression into working with goalkeepers on the women's performance programme was a big step for me. But it also brought me to one of the lowest points in my life. The programme gave me a mentor, which I was excited about, and I was eager to learn from them. However, in my second or third session with them, the mentor gave me some advice that still runs through my head today: "Alex, your homework tonight is to learn English".

I wanted the ground to swallow me up when they said that. All sorts of emotions emerged: anger, sadness, you name it. I am so thankful that staff and players were present. They supported me and very quickly got rid of that 'mentor'.

I aspire to break the mould and become a vocal point in performance football, supporting others with a stammer and sharing our journeys. 

In time I was given more responsibility across the club, leading all the goalkeepers across five different teams, and they've won seven trophies — much celebrations were had. 

Determination

Although it's been a difficult season, my determination and aspiration to work in performance football hasn't changed. The feeling of belonging and being part of a family made me feel at home. I have met so many good friends in the game and they have helped me much more than they know, not just with my confidence as a coach, but also as a person. 

I aspire to break the mould and become a vocal point in performance football, supporting others with a stammer and sharing our journeys. I have huge admiration for footballer Ken Sema and his work promoting awareness, as well as everyone in the STAMMA community. 

Your stammer should not define you and shouldn't hold you back from what you want to do. I know it sounds very clichéd but it's what makes you you. I have never felt so confident and I am so excited and motivated for what is next in my career. Break the mould!

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