Finding the right approach for my son who stammers

Image

Caption

(Photo posed by models, courtesy of boggy22 via Canva)

When Rebecca Williams realised her son's stammering therapy wasn't working out, she turned to our support groups for help. Here she shares her feelings and tells us how finding a different approach has helped her son to enjoy talking again.

Our son's stammer appeared almost overnight. One day he was speaking fluently, and the next he was experiencing severe blocks. He would become tearful and frustrated, telling us, "My words aren't working" or "I can't remember". Watching him struggle so suddenly was heart-breaking. As parents, we felt frightened, helpless and desperate to find the right support as quickly as possible.

Like many parents, I immediately turned to Google. The information that kept appearing was about the Lidcombe Programme. I watched countless videos from the programme's researchers explaining how it could reduce stammering in pre-school children, which naturally gave us hope. I then contacted several local speech & language therapists. Most told us they didn't specialise in stammering and when we found one that did, the approach they offered was the Lidcombe Programme.

We went into the programme with optimism and committed ourselves fully to it. However, we gradually realised that it wasn't the right fit for our son. He is naturally quite sensitive, slightly anxious, and always wants to please the people around him. Even gentle comments about his speech, praising fluent speech, or mentioning "bumpy" speech made him increasingly aware of the way he was talking. He found any suggestion that his speech wasn't quite right very difficult and took it deeply to heart. Instead of building his confidence, we felt that the focus on his speech was making him more self-conscious and anxious.

Every conversation seemed to revolve around his speech, and we found ourselves analysing interactions rather than simply enjoying talking together.

Over time, stammering began to dominate family life. Every conversation seemed to revolve around his speech, and we found ourselves analysing interactions rather than simply enjoying talking together. Although we know the Lidcombe Programme has helped many families, we came to realise that it wasn't the right approach for our son's personality or for our family, and we knew we needed to look for something different.

As time went on, I began to feel that things just weren't going in the right direction. Our son became increasingly upset about going to therapy and would often say he didn't want to attend. Once we arrived, he would barely interact, often refusing to speak at all. It was such a contrast to the little boy we knew outside of therapy. Despite his stammer, he has always been incredibly chatty, happily striking up conversations with anyone he meets and full of confidence in everyday situations. Seeing him become so withdrawn in therapy made us question whether the sessions themselves were adding to the pressure he was already feeling.

A new approach

Feeling lost and unsure where to turn, I posted about our journey in the STAMMA Facebook support group, sharing how overwhelmed we were feeling. The response was overwhelming. So many parents and adults who stammer took the time to reply. Many shared their own experiences and explained why they felt the Lidcombe Programme could be controversial, particularly for some children. Several people recommended a private speech & language therapist whose approach was centred on supporting communication rather than trying to eliminate the stammer.

From our very first phone call with our new therapist, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted. For the first time, someone truly understood not only our son's stammer, but also how it had affected us as a family. Instead of focusing on fixing his speech, she helped us understand that stammering is simply a different way of speaking and showed us how to create an environment where communication comes first.

We've stopped trying to fix his stammer and instead learned how to support his confidence, celebrate his voice, and enjoy conversations together again.

My partner and I have weekly evening Zoom sessions with her, which has been invaluable. Rather than expecting our son to participate in therapy, we have been given the knowledge and confidence to make small, meaningful changes in everyday life that reduce pressure and support his communication naturally. We also practise regular Special Time together, giving him uninterrupted time where he has our full attention without any expectations around his speech. Each week we send videos and our Special Time reflections, and our therapist provides thoughtful, encouraging feedback and practical ideas that we can easily build into family life.

The change in our son has been remarkable. He has never felt like he is 'in therapy' or that his speech is being judged. Instead, he has continued to grow in confidence and enjoys communicating just as he always has. Although he still stammers, he seems far more relaxed when speaking, we're seeing much less blocking, and he is developing a wonderfully positive attitude towards his speech. Perhaps the biggest transformation, though, has been in us as parents. We've stopped trying to fix his stammer and instead learned how to support his confidence, celebrate his voice, and enjoy conversations together again.

If there's one thing I've learned through this journey, it's that there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to supporting a child who stammers. Every child is different, and finding a therapist whose approach fits both your child and your family can make all the difference. I would encourage any parent at the beginning of this journey to join STAMMA's support groups. Being able to hear the experiences of other parents and adults who stammer, ask questions openly, and receive advice from people who truly understand was invaluable to us. It helped us realise that we weren't alone, gave us the confidence to explore different approaches, and ultimately led us to the support that has transformed the way our family views and responds to our son's stammer. For that, we will always be incredibly grateful.

Looking for help?

• Call our free helpline on 0808 802 0002, start a webchat or email help@stamma.org
• Join one of our online Parent 2 Parent support groups. A great way to share experiences and tips with other parents going through the same thing.

Read other articles from parents. Would you like to share your story? See how to Submit Something For The Site or email editor@stamma.org for details.