Why every phone call feels like a challenge

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Martin

As part of our End the Phone Call Nightmares campaign, Martin Radvan explains how calls are difficult with a stammer, how automated systems aren't helping, and what organisations can do to make things easier.

Life looks different when you see it through someone else's eyes. Imagine if basic tasks — like speaking to your mobile phone company, confirming a reservation, making an appointment — became a daily obstacle course? Welcome to the stammerer's perspective.

I've written before about living with a stammer, and I know that I'm so very lucky: I've been able to manage mine to a degree and I realise only too well that others don't have that opportunity. These days, my challenges are minor compared to my past and phone calls are low down on my list of hurdles (reading aloud in public remains my only complete block). But many people that you know, work with or are friends with may also stammer. You may not realise it, or you may be unsure of how to support them. My journey has always been made far easier thanks to the patience and flexibility of those around me.

That first hurdle — answering a "How can I help you?" or even giving my name — is where the struggle lies.

The issue isn't phone calls themselves. I can happily chat with friends or family for hours over the phone. The challenge lies with unknown calls — especially the silence after the first "Hello". In that gap, the pressure builds. Breaking the silence is the hardest part.

That first hurdle — answering a "How can I help you?" or even giving my name — is where the struggle lies. Structured, automated interactions are so much tougher than natural conversations, which is why robotic phone menus can feel like a nightmare. But once I'm past the opening, the conversation can usually flow.

What I'd love to see is more training for operators, more awareness, and perhaps more creative tech solutions designed to make communication easier for everyone.

Over time, I've picked up little tricks: delaying with an "um," a cough, or a pause. These work face-to-face, but not with automated systems that expect instant replies. I used to dread calling restaurants, though happily most reservations are now online. With phone menus, I've learned to just hang up and try again if I miss the response window. And if a live operator pressures me too much, I might fake a "bad line" and call back — an odd workaround, but it helps. Even the sounds themselves matter: certain consonants can trip me up, while others glide by. So sometimes it's just pure luck!

Mood also plays its part. Early mornings are harder. Stressful topics make things worse. But once I settle in, the stammer fades into the background.

Solutions

Simple solutions could make such a huge difference. Imagine if callers could press a key to indicate they might need more time. Or if operators were trained to recognise hesitation and gently reassure: "Take your time; no rush." These aren't complicated fixes, but they could transform an experience.

At my age, my stammer is now a small part of life, and I'm so grateful for this. I deeply respect those facing bigger challenges or still searching for their own way through. What I'd love to see is more training for operators, more awareness, and perhaps more creative tech solutions designed to make communication easier for everyone. *Ed: STAMMA has free training sessions for organisations.

With just a little understanding and patience, phone calls don't have to feel like obstacle courses — for stammerers, or for anyone.

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