Stammering & settling into a new job

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James

Having recently started a new remote job, James Sweeney describes the anticipation of introducing himself to a new set of colleagues, and tells us how he brought up the subject of his stammer.

I've had a stammer for as long as I can remember, and it's safe to say that it's played a big role in my life. 

Growing up, I've learnt a lot about my speech, and how I respond to it. There are still times when I find myself stammering more, and feel like I've either got to go back to the drawing board or learn to be kinder and more patient with myself. 

One of those is when I start a new job, which coincidentally happened recently. 

To set the scene

I've recently joined the team at a humour-based marketing agency, founded by a very good friend of mine, Aidan. We're a team of five, spread out across the US, Argentina, and me over here in the Swansea valleys. This has been my first fully remote, international role, which has been brilliant so far.

But how has my speech impacted how I settle into a new team, and kickstart relationships with colleagues virtually? 

My first day

This actually happened very unusually. Before I started, I had the final meeting with my local Job Centre. As I was leaving and heading to my car, at about 14:35, Aidan texted me to say that the team were going to be having their daily catch-up call at 15:00 my time (enter Sweeney panic mode). 

The team were all so welcoming and patient, which really did make the whole process that much easier. 

I made it back home with 5-10 minutes to spare, ready to join the call. This is where the first set of what I call my 'mental moral dilemmas' came into force:

• What if I joined the call and my speech started going bonkers?
• What if I stammer so much that my team doesn't understand me, or think I'm incredibly nervous?
• Should I introduce myself as someone who stammers, or let it happen more naturally?

Of course, introducing yourself more generally can present its own challenges when you stammer. My name is a fixed object, so if I anticipate that I'm going to stammer on it, it can be tough to know how to get past this seemingly insurmountable obstacle.

It turns out I had no reason to worry whatsoever. 

Allow me to expand on that. I joined the call to see four smiling faces, before Aidan said, "Hey James, welcome to the call! Everyone has been looking forward to meeting you — they all knew you already through your posts". 

A lot of this anticipation was all in my head. I'd allowed those seeds of mental doubt to be planted and start sprouting; however, once the call got going, I stopped thinking quite so much about my speech and started settling into the conversation.

How do I bring up my speech naturally?

Now that was the question. The team knew roughly who I was, but I had no idea how much they actually knew about me (overthinking again, I know). 

I decided upon a new strategy:

Instead of joining my introductory calls with each person and saying, "Hey, I'm Sweeney (I go by both my first name and my surname), and I have a stammer," I brought up my old friend, context — which I feel like makes such an important difference. 

I spent so much time wondering what other people might think of my speech, when really, I needed to be a lot kinder to myself.

When I was meeting the team individually, I instead naturally worked my stammer into my introduction, going for something like this:

"Hey, I'm Sweeney. Growing up with a stammer, I really value what it means to have a voice. It's why I've dedicated so much of my life to helping people and businesses find theirs, and share it in a way that feels comfortable to them."

This way, my stammer wasn't something I had to awkwardly announce before we could carry on. The team were all so welcoming and patient, which really did make the whole process that much easier. 

Flash forward two months, what have I learnt?

During my opening weeks, I started getting it into my head that I "wasn't doing enough", which actually started to make me stammer more. In reality, I was still learning the ropes, getting used to a new team and finding my place in a completely different working environment. Looking back, I was doing far more than I was giving myself credit for, I just needed to give myself the time to realise that.

I'm also open with the team about my speech, whether I'm having a particularly stammery day or simply getting frustrated with it. Being able to have those conversations has helped massively, rather than feeling like I need to hide it or somehow explain myself.

I suppose my biggest lesson has been around those mental negotiations I have with myself. I spent so much time wondering what other people might think of my speech, when really, I needed to be a lot kinder to myself.

I'm not going to pretend to have all of the answers, but am I proud of the journey so far?

You bet I am!

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